Avoid the perfectionism trap and be happy now

If you have low self-esteem, guilt, pessimism, depression, rigidity, obsessiveness, compulsive behavior, lack of motivation, or immobilization, then you may be suffering from perfectionism. Some irrational beliefs that contribute to perfectionism, according to Coping.org:

• Everything in life must be done to your level of perfection, which is often higher than anyone else's.
• It is unacceptable to make a mistake.
• If those in authority say this is the way it is supposed to be, then that is the way it is supposed to be.
• It is what you achieve rather than who you are that is important.
• There is no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly, e.g., "I don't attempt things I can't do well.''
• If I have a failure or experience a set back in my efforts to change then I should give up.
• If you screw up in your efforts to achieve a goal, just give up. It must be too hard to achieve.
• Don't ever let anyone know what goal you're working on. That way they won't consider you a failure if you don't reach it.
• If you can't do it right the first time, why try to do it at all?
• It takes too much effort and energy to reach a goal. I save myself the aggravation and discouragement by not setting goals for myself.
• I'll never be able to change and grow the way I want to, so why try.
• I am a human being prone to error, frailty and imperfections; therefore, I won't be able to accomplish things in a perfect or ideal way. I'll just give up on achieving any of my goals or desires.

To overcome perfectionism, you need to:

• forgive yourself for mistakes or failings;
• accept that the "ideal'' is only a guideline or goal to be worked toward, not to be achieved 100%;
• develop a sense of patience and to reduce the need to "get it done yesterday'';
• recognize that one's backsliding does not mean the end of the world; it is OK to pick oneself up and start all over again;
• develop an ability to use "thought stopping'' techniques whenever you find yourself mentally scolding yourself for not being "good enough'';
• learn to accept yourself the way you are; let go of the ideas of how you "should be'';
• love yourself; to believe that you deserve good things;
• visualize yourself as "winning'' even when it takes more energy, and more perseverance, than what you had planned;
• let go of rigid, moralistic judgments of your performance and to develop an open, compassionate understanding for the hard times, obstacles, and temptations;
• be flexible in setting goals and be willing to reassess your plan from time to time to keep things realistic;
• be open to the idea that you will be successful in your efforts to change, even if you are not "first,'' "the best,'' "the model,'' "the star pupil,'' "the exemplar,'' "the finest''; and
  
• realize that the important thing is to be going in a positive direction.